Thursday, June 29, 2006

Your Sport, Your Beer

You may wonder if the beer you drink tells something about you. You are right. Like your mom after too many mimosas, your beer is all too telling of you and your lifestyle. But is the reverse true as well? Could what you do tell someone what you drink? Perhaps by what sport? Luckily, through the miracle of no scientific research whatsoever I have deduced the sport you champion is directly related to the beer you drink. Let us discuss:

Football- Manly, manly sport. If you watch this sport you are manly. You also have manly needs, such as three different kinds of meat on your burger. This is a sport of inches, a war on the ol' gridiron. You will need a beer that doesn't bother with the inconsequential of too much flavor. It must get you drunk enough to watch your team which, statistically speaking, is losing right now. And, DAMMIT, it must be American! For this sport of kings you probably drink the King of Beers:

Soccer- In light of the World Cup, this has to go next on the list. If you are a fan of Soccer (or "the other football" as it is known in some countries) you are most likely a hooligan, a victim of a hooligan, a streaker, or David Beckham. Assuming you are not Beckham, you wake up at around 6 AM to head to the pub on the day of the game for some pre-match fun. Your busy hooligan/victim/naked schedule does not allow time for meals, so you need a drink that will be a meal for you. There is only one beer that drinks like a meal. It also gives you strength: Guinness

Tennis- You are an elitist jerk, but don't let that stop you from enjoying a good brew. You probably knew right away that Anna Kournikova was going nowhere and gloated to all your friends when she did. Your friends didn't care because she was hot. As such, you need a beer with a pretentious foreign flare but is also available almost everywhere. It also must be light, because anything heavy "throws off your forehand.": Amstel Light

Baseball- You need a drink to fill the gaps in the action when they change innings, change sides, change pitchers, talk on the mound, step out of the box, go into wind up, wait for the rain to clear, finish the national anthem, talk on the mound again, try to pick off a runner and fail, step out of the box again, and change to another pitcher after about three pitches. Needless to say, you will be drinking a lot. But it's summer and you want to be able to still get out of your seat when that errant foul ball comes screaming your way. Therefore if you must go light, you will go:
Miller Light

Golf- You are a wiener: Rolling Rock

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